Blow Her Down
by MadgeM
Summary: An unpleasant surprise is difficult to hide from old friends.
1. Default Chapter

_Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I'm only playing with them._

_Reviews are always appreciated, and a big thanks to those of you who have given feedback!_

Kathryn Janeway sat in her readyroom struggling to keep her mind focused on the duty rosters stacked on her desk. She sighed and laid down the Engineering report in her hand and winced at the growing pains threatening an explosion in her skull. She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed at her temples; the pain abated after a few minutes, and she picked up the paad again with a look of resignation.

The door chimed, and Chakotay came in bearing yet another paad in hand. She quickly donned her Captain's mask and greeted him.

"Sorry, Captain," he apologized, "I don't suppose you want another one at the moment?"

"You suppose correctly, Commander," she sighed, accepting his report. "But I might as well get them all done now."

He replied something, but she wasn't listening. Her fingertips pressed against her temple sharply and were as white as her face had become, eyes squeezed shut and lips suddenly thin and drawn tightly.

"Are you alright, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked in concern. "Are your headaches getting worse?"

She kept her head still as she answered quietly, "Yes. They only keep coming, and none of the traditional remedies seem to work."

"Have you seen the doctor about them?"

"He's been working on something that doesn't help, and he said to hail him if they become unbearable. So I'm rather on my own."

"Perhaps he's made progress, or can give you another booster. Perhaps you should go back down there," he prompted gently.

"After I'm done here. What is it you were saying?"

"I was noting that neither of us has eaten since 0700 hours, and was suggesting that you have dinner with me," he offered with a smile. "Maybe your mind needs a break and a chance to relax."

She looked up at him and ceased rubbing at the suggestion.

"I'd like that," she replied, returning his smile gratefully.

"Good," he was interrupted by her commbadge.

_"Captain,"_ Ensign Kim's voice came through calmly, with the hint of a child eager to please. Chakotay smiled at the thought. He supposed Harry wasn't the only one who thought upon Kathryn Janeway with the adoration of an eager to please child. Paris had been trying hard for the past year, after the incident with the thirty-day suspension and demotion. Seven would never admit it, but the way she behaved with Kathryn was suggestive of a child's interaction with its mother, arguing and reasoning and finding her boundries. Neelix- yes, he definitely tried very hard to please her… he'd fixed Welsh rabbit especially for her every few weeks after Q's visit. That thought made him smile more; Kathryn had invited him to join her for dinner one evening for some Welsh rabbit, and she had confessed that she didn't have the heart to tell Neelix that it required a real rabbit and good old Earth seasonings, and far fewer Talaxian stewed tomatoes. He focused on the present again.

_"We will be within viewing distance of the supernova in four minutes, Captain,"_ Harry was saying. _"I thought you might want to see it…"_

"Good. Thank you, Mr. Kim, for letting me know. I'll be there shortly," she responded.

_"Aye, Captain. Bridge out."_

Well, there goes seeing the doctor, Chakotay thought to himself. He knew she wouldn't miss this for the world.

Chakotay followed her out on to the bridge moments later, and Janeway immediately requested the data to be sent to her console and for the main viewer to be activated. Everyone soon concentrated on the main screen as the time for the spectacle drew nearer.

Captain Janeway found that she could not focus her eyes on the readings as the seconds ticked away, her skull exuding shock waves that could shake Voyager, she thought painfully. Her eyes widened then closed suddenly in a numb manner, then she slumped a little in her chair and blacked out.

Kathryn's eyes immediately snapped open, and in a moment she became very aware of having blacked out on her bridge; she nearly panicked as she looked around discreetly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Thankfully, she saw everyone was still gawking over the remnants of the supernova. She had been out a few moments only. She breathed a sigh of relief, earning her a glance from Chakotay. He leaned in closer.

"Are you alright?" he asked with concern in a hushed tone, "you look a little pale- headaches bothering you again?"

"Yes, I'm fine…" she replied a bit detachedly, trying to dismiss his concerns quickly and quietly.

"Captain," Tuvok's voice came from the back of the bridge, "I believe you wished me to remind you of your appointment to speak with the Doctor about the upcoming crew reports."

She looked back at him and knew instinctively that he had noticed; her annoyance faded as quickly as it had come- she was grateful that he had commented discreetly. He was probably right, anyway.

"Yes, I was just on my way. Thank you for reminding me, Tuvok," she said after a vague moment. She turned toward the turbolift, ignoring the curious look Chakotay gave her.

"Captain, I-"

She didn't turn around as she stepped into the lift, but instead was trying very hard not to appear agitated and nervous. The doors had nearly closed before she said distantly, "You have the bridge, Commander."

Chakotay frowned to himself when she left, but had refrained from asking her what was wrong in front of her senior staff. She had acted rather strangely, as if unnerved by something, and he hadn't been the only one of the senior bridge officers to notice it. But he _was_ the only one that knew that Tuvok had lied about the duty reports and wondered why Kathryn had gone along with it so eagerly when it was Chakotay's custom to compile the reports himself- they were his responsibility and weren't scheduled for another few days, anyway. It would have been a perfect excuse, because none of the others knew how the two of them had worked it out between them. He wondered whether she had really gone to Sickbay- and then it dawned upon him that perhaps she was having a worse time with her headaches than he had thought. Chakotay's brow furrowed as he realized that he had been so absorbed with the nova that he hadn't looked away from it during the whole display- probably all the others had been preoccupied as well, and missed something. But perhaps Tuvok had known, and seen her distress. Suddenly the commonplace headaches unsettled him; Kathryn was the only one to suffer from them… he waited for her to return as he turned the thing over moodily in his mind.

Kathryn Janeway sat on the edge of the biobed while the Doctor scanned her. She fidgeted nervously with her fingers, explaining in short bursts while she waited for the Doctor to finish examining her.

"I- I blacked out on the bridge just now," she explained curtly, apprehension thick in her voice. "You're familiar with my medical file. This isn't- right…"

He interrupted her uncharacteristically frayed voice.

"Captain, slow down a minute," he told her kindly, then paused for a moment, unsure how to proceed.

"Say it." Her voice was deceptively authoritative.

"The diagnostic shows positive results. I want to run a series of tests to be certain, and you'll need to stay here for a while longer." He watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, signaling another attack; he quickly set down his tricorder to press a hypospray to her neck, and held her limp body steady. He settled her on the biobed, face etched with sadness.

"Computer medical log, stardate 1466.37: I have diagnosed Captain Kathryn Janeway with inherited early symptoms of Grayle's Disorder. Testing will show progression stages; I am concerned that the Captain's condition has deteriorated so very rapidly. The fact that she did not comment to me about any symptoms is not so unusual, but when she awakens I will make a full inquiry to find out exactly what has sped up the process so significantly. End log."

He looked down at the troubled face of his unconscious patient- eyes shut tightly with the memory of a headache and one arm clasped limply across her chest.

The Doctor sighed and began to get ready for the first of the neural tests he wanted to run- if only he could find _something_.

He just had to find some good news fast.


	2. Blow Her Down ch2

_Disclaimer: They don't belong to me._

_Chapter 2- I wrote this whole thing ages ago, and am posting it on a lark... I'll be going through and revising it, and comments/criticisms are welcome things to help me to improve it!_

"I had better get back to the Bridge, then, Doctor," she said as she stood, feeling hardly able to absorb what he had told her. "I've already been gone three hours, the shift is almost over, and I have reports to finish"

"Captain," the Doctor reprimanded gently. "You can't just go on as if nothing is wrong. I am responsible for your health, and I must inform certain senior officers of your condition unless you would prefer doing it yourself. Remember than while we are not in the Starfleet Medical Center, where you would ordinarily be treated in Section One, there is the possibility that I won't be able to treat you properly."

The Doctor wondered how she was able to keep her face so expressionless and hide what she must be feeling like a Vulcan might be able to hold it all in. Well, he had made up his mind to tell her the whole truth of her condition- she deserved to know, and he knew that she wouldn't settle for anything less anyway. She was still the Captain, after all, and though he dreaded saying all that he knew he had to say. He took a deep breath and began.

"Now, I need to ask you some questions so that I can determine better where to start."

He proceeded to go down the list of symptoms and explain each of them. Halfway through she looked so far away he wasn't sure if she could hear him.

"Captain," he said with compassion, "I know how difficult this must be for you. You may not resume your full duty schedule. You are not to strain yourself with any physical or mental activity, and I don't want you working for more than four hours at a time without first taking a rest. You will be able to continue to act as captain, and though your brain functions will not be impaired, your physical strength will deteriorate. You may continue to be on duty as long as you are fit, but if you notice any of the symptoms we just talked about then you must come to Sickbay immediately, no matter when it is. If you find you are having trouble concentrating or begin to feel shaky, I need for you to come directly to me." He looked at her earnestly as he instructed her. "At once."

"Of course," she nodded numbly. "I- I don't want to tell anyone just yet," she told him with the same tone.

He had expected this, and could feel her necessity to keep her old life- her dignity- intact. He couldn't blame her for that, and nodded accedingly with a sigh.

"You may keep this just between us as long as you are fit to be on duty," he told her, " but I recommend that you tell either the Commander or perhaps the Lieutenant Commander Tuvok ahead of time. I cannot supervise your health when you are on the bridge, and perhaps if one of them knew how to recognize the symptoms we were speaking of before you do…" he trailed off under her unwavering and determined look. "O.K., but just remember: any more blackouts, headaches more than usual, shakiness, memory difficulty, speech difficulty- _any _of this, and it is imperative for you to come here right away."

She nodded in weary agreement and left Sickbay without a word. The Doctor looked after her with an expression of sorrow on his face.

The Captain went straight from the turbolift doors to her chair and sat, ignoring glances given her with an air of pensiveness. Chakotay was still worried about her, and he knew that he was the only one close enough to notice the small signs that something was wrong. She wore her Captain's mask tightly, as if she were afraid that something might show through, and her hands and legs trembled slightly as she sat down. He glanced sideways at her again and watched her drum her fingers together in one cupped palm, oblivious to being watched stealthily. Ordinarily she would have noticed, she seemed to have a sixth sense that way, but today she looked as if she were working something out in her mind that required a lot of thought. Namely, after seeing the Doctor, the annoyed expression wouldn't be unusual- except that Chakotay knew that she had lied about the reports.

Suddenly she stood up and crossed over to the upper level, saying"Tuvok, in my readyroom." Abruptly, she was gone, Tuvok on her heels.

At this, Chakotay's head wasn't the only one to have snapped up. Tom and Harry had noticed also that something was off, though from the looks on their faces, Chakotay supposed that they couldn't quite put their fingers on it. Suddenly, it struck him: she'd forgotten to pass off command. Not once in five years had she forgotten to pass on the command of the bridge as the last thing before she left. Emergency or no, Kathryn _always_ passed the command of the bridge verbally before leaving it. It wasn't the sort of thing she would forget.

Something was definitely going on.

"I don't want anyone to know yet, Tuvok. This has to be kept a secret between you, me, and the Doctor," she said after the doors closed behind him.

"Then the Doctor has confirmed it?" he asked.

She didn't answer, but nodded her head slowly after a moment.

"And the prognosis?"

She crossed her arms as if to steady herself and looked out at the stars. "Not good."

"It would be wise to inform the Commander of this. He would be able to help you with your duties when you are not up to the task of performing them," he recommended halfheartedly.

"I know I should," she acknowledged, "But I'm not ready to tell him either. It's not that I don't trust him; he's one of my best friends. But if he finds out now, he'll have a hard time not thinking of me as a dying woman, and he would have a very hard time not treating me as such. I'm the Captain, Tuvok, and I can't be treated like- like an invalid."

She shivered, the thought leaving her feeling awkward.

"I'm sure you will be able to keep your condition from the crew for a while, but not from the Commander. I believe he already suspects that something is wrong. I understand your wish to keep this matter a secret, yet I fear that soon the crew will begin to also suspect. It would be better if you told the Commander about your problem. Perhaps not right away, depending upon your prognosis."

She nodded in agreement. "I know that you're right, Tuvok- I guess I already knew what you were going to say. I just needed to hear it from you. Thank you, my friend."

"Of course, Captain. Has the Doctor determined the stage?"

"Not specifically. Not yet. Somewhere early, but seeing as I shouldn't even have developed this far for another fifteen years… He thinks some foreign element has jump-started the disease. My case isn't exactly text book." She smiled her quirky half smile, eyes sad.

He bowed his head.

"May I ask what your plans are?" he asked.

"Of course, I am planning on telling the Commander eventually," she said slowly, "I'm just not sure how to do it. You already knew, Tuvok, but I've got to _tell_ him, and it won't be an easy thing to say- to anybody." She sighed. "I would much rather keep the whole thing quiet and keep my life intact as long as possible."

"Yes, Captain, I know what it means to you," he said simply, in what she knew to be sympathy and understanding. "Perhaps you would care to join me this evening in some meditation? It will help to soothe your nerves."

"Thank you for knowing, Tuvok," she replied softly. "Thank you for being here and _knowing_ me."


	3. Blow Her Down ch3

The bridge crew began to notice a few odd things weeks later. Chakotay knew she wasn't herself, but she never would discuss anything and just assured him that she was tired. One day during the staff meeting she stopped mid-sentence and didn't seem to remember what it was she was saying. The attention of the crew was caught though she brushed the incident off with annoyance. Just little things like that began to occur every couple of days- taken alone, they didn't warrant concern, but their frequency began to become more noticeable.

The day the Captain was late to the bridge she called Chakotay to her readyroom.

"Have a seat," she told him. He joined her by the couch and waited for what was coming.

"You've asked me before if everything was fine; I wasn't ready to do that. But now I think I have to. I owe you an explanation of my recent behavior." She took a deep breath and put her hand over his, but didn't quite look him in the eye. She spoke quickly as if she were afraid to run out of air. "I have been diagnosed with Grayle's Disorder. It is a degenerative disease passed down genetically…Symptoms- well, you've seen a few of them. The gene was activated suddenly in me, the Doctor doesn't know how. It normally doesn't happen until another fifteen years down the road. The Doctor doesn't know how to treat me."

"Oh, Kathryn," he said in a shocked voice, squeezing her hand tightly. "Are you absolutely certain? What does the Doctor say?" He found it difficult to speak.

"He says I should be in section one of the Starfleet Medical Facility. Everything for Grayle's is experimental," she turned her eyes away again, face pale. "You'll be Captain again sooner than you thought…"

"How long before- before you won't be able to…" he tried to say hoarsely, "I thought Grayle's took years to…"

"In my case, a matter of months- weeks, possibly- the Doctor doesn't know what triggered my recessive trait, but it is progressing more quickly in me than in the other cases."

"An inherited gene?" asked Chakotay. "Has anyone in your family died from it?"

"On my father's side. But signs don't normally develop until age sixty or sixty-five."

"Did your father have it?" he asked quietly.

"My father died before it was visible, but I've been warned for years that it's possible he was a carrier." She replied quietly after a moment.

"I'm sorry," he could see she was still uncomfortable with that memory. "Were you young?"

"No- not a child, but I was just a science station lieutenant. I was with them when they died." She drew back unconsciously.

"Kathryn..."

She waved him away, uncomfortable. "It's all in the past."

He decided that nothing was the best thing to say at the moment, and held her hand supportively. After a pause, she looked up at him again, all business.

"I'll be acting as Captain for as long as I am able. The Doctor and I have talked, and both Tuvok and myself are aware of when I will need to… give up command. Tuvok already knew about my medical profile, and that day on the bridge he saw when I blacked out."

He stared at her.

"Kathryn," he said, "why are you telling me this today? It's not at all like you to be late for duty; what happened to you?"

"I blacked out in my quarters this morning, I think." She sounded distressed.

"You _think_?" he cut in with alarm.

"I only remember waking up on the floor. I don't know when I blacked out," she explained.

"So you could have been lying there all night?" She didn't answer. "Kathryn, whatever help you need, I'm here. You won't face this thing alone. And if I know you at all, you'll fight it the whole way. I'll be there fighting with you." He spoke so earnestly that her eyes began to water.

"I know," she whispered, "Thank you."

Her hand clutched his, growing unconsciously tighter. He pulled her to him in a hug and just held her.

"More punch, everyone!" announced Neelix enthusiastically. He was wearing a funny green tunic and a high top hat, saying "Welcome to the St. Patrick's day bash! Some of you are familiar with this holiday, but for those of you who aren't, you'll learn something yet! To start us off, I would like to propose a toast. And," his eyes twinkled merrily as he turned toward the Captain, who was getting punch, "I believe we have an Irishwoman right here in our midst- right, Captain?" Everyone chucked at the surprised look on her face and raised their glasses as Neelix pulled her up front. "Come on, Captain, you must know an Irish toast."

"Well, I'm an Irishwoman once removed," she conceded merrily, and raised her glass as well. "In the words of Grandma Maggie: May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be at your back, may it rain softly upon your fields, and may God hold you in the palm of his hand… And may you be in heaven a good five minutes before the devil knows you're dead." Everyone laughed and repeated the last sentence and toasted, and the party began.

Only the Captain wasn't joining the festivities. A queer look came over her face as she turned toward the window, looking at the hand she had just toasted with- it was shaking with jerky tremors. She closed her eyes and tried to regain what control she had, as she had done earlier. The glass dropped and broke on the floor, drawing Neelix's attention.

"Captain! Are you alright?" he asked from her elbow. "Not to worry- I'll take care of that glass in a jiffy," he offered cheerily, noticing the strangely frightened look on her face.

"Thank you, Neelix. I'm sorry about the glass." She said queerly.

"Of course. Are you enjoying the party?"

"Yes, of course. I'm- I'm afraid I've got to turn in early tonight. It's been a lovely party," she thanked him and moved to leave.

Neelix reached out to touch her arm to stall her, knowing something wasn't quite right. "Happy St. Patrick's Day, captain," he said in puzzlement. She just touched his arm and gave a parting smile, hand shaking noticeably enough so that he looked at her in surprise as she left.

Chakotay accosted her as she wove to the exit. "Everything alright?" he asked. "I liked the toast, by the way."

In answer, she placed her hand on his arm and saw his reaction.

"It's getting hard now," she told him very quietly, so that he had to lean in closer to hear her. "I can't control it anymore. Chakotay- do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

He nodded numbly and grasped her hand.

"I'll come with you," he said in a voice that brooked no argument.

She stumbled even before they reached the door.

"It's so hard now," she whispered, but refused his help in walking to the door. "We're almost there, Chakotay. I'm going to make it. This crew is going to see their Captain leaving on her own two feet."

She did indeed walk out the door, though she was shaking considerably by the time the doors shut behind them. She leaned against the bulkheads on shaking limbs as he lowered her to the ground, and had trouble breathing.

"Kathryn! Try to breathe normally- you'll be O.K." he tried to sound reassuring.

"Sickbay- we need an emergency beamout!"

Neelix was talking with Tom and B'Elanna, but was distracted as he stole glances at the Captain walking out the door with the help of the commander. When he kept on looking, the others noticed his furrowed brows and looked also.

"What do you suppose is going on? She's shaking!" B'Elanna exclaimed quietly. This caught Tom's attention, and his eyes widened in alarm.

"Shaking! I've seen that sort of thing once before- an Admiral, but _that_ was Gra-" he was cut off.

"_Doctor to Paris- report to sickbay immediately."_

"On my way," Tom said and frowned. "I'll catch you later, guys."


	4. Blow Her Down ch4

"Glad to see you, Mr. Paris- I've stabilized the Captain for now, but I'll be needing your help shortly." He pulled Tom over to the side away from where she sat propped up talking with Chakotay. She looked weak and even from across the room Tom could tell that the commander was frightened for her.

"What is it?" Tom asked quickly, eyes darting from the Doctor to her and back. "She was shaking as she left the party-"

"Grayle's Disorder," he answered quietly.

"How long?" Tom felt his throat go dry.

"I don't know- but it's been escalating very quickly over the last few days. She's been fighting it for three weeks, but it can't be long now," he explained.

"Treatment?" Tom asked helplessly.

"Experimental, all of it. I've been working on a treatment constantly since I first made the diagnosis, but I have no way of knowing…"

"My God," muttered Tom, realization dawning upon him. "Then what?"

"Unless some miracle happens soon, she's not going to make it. I can't say when."

Tom just nodded and kept silent.

"Right now the best we can do is make her as comfortable as possible; I haven't got any idea what kind of arrangements will be made, and the Commander won't leave Sickbay."

"I'll do my best," Tom assured him hoarsely, turning to go over towards his two commanding officers.

"Captain. Commander. Mind if I join you?" he began awkwardly.

"Go right ahead," she said wanly, and gave a small smile.

She sat on the edge of the biobed, feet dangling, and looking quite out of place in the Sickbay. Chakotay stood at her side silently, a look of unmistakable worry on his face. Tom couldn't read her face.

"The Doctor just briefed me on your condition. I'm so sorry, Captain," Tom told her heartfeltedly. "I'll keep this short- I know how hard it must be right now. The Doctor has temporarily stopped the muscular dysfunction, but it won't last more than a few hours at most. When this happens we might have to stabilize you on the biobed as a safety precaution, so you don't seize and hit your head." Tom paused and looked each of them in the eyes, sorrow written plainly there.

"Is she going to make it?" Chakotay asked him abruptly.

Tom looked at her, and she averted her eyes downward, then looked back at Tom for a moment.

"Tom," she said at last, "I need a minute alone with Chakotay."

He nodded.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," he said. As he left she turned back to Chakotay and took on e of his hands in hers. The silence was tangible.

"Chakotay," she began softly, with control, "When I'm gone I want you to go into my quarters. The pictures, logs, letters, and paintings and the blue vase I want to be saved for my family. They won't take up much space, and the rest can be recycled for replicators. Tuvok-"

"Kathryn," he interrupted, clearly upset, "the Doctor is working on a treatment. You've got a chance- I won't let you die. We can fight this! Kathryn Janeway never gives up on a fight, remember?" he urged her vehemently.

"Chakotay, you may be right about the Doctor finding something helpful, but unless he finds something very quickly I won't _be _Kathryn Janeway anymore," she looked up at him with tears behind her eyes. "I don't want to live as a semi-sentient woman in a coma. I'm not going to survive this, Chakotay."

He pulled her to him and held her, barely able to hold off his own watering eyes. "I know," he admitted almost inaudibly. Her chin rested on his shoulder, one arm behind his neck. He clutched her as if she were drowning, not twisting himself to speak.

"One more favor, Chakotay," she asked minutes later.

"Of course."

"Notify Tuvok; he's on the bridge, and I'd like to see him before they put me under."

"Of course, Kathryn. Don't worry about a thing now- I'll take care of it." He stroked her hair with one hand.

"I don't think I ever told you how much your friendship means to me," she told him. "You have always been there for me- even when I didn't want it. Thank you." He could hear the tremor in her voice. "You forgave whether I asked or didn't ask for forgiveness."

"You're my closest friend, Kathryn. You don't have to thank me for anything, or apologize for anything before- I already know," he reassured her.

"I always thought I would have time," she confided sadly, "I always thought I had time to do the important things in life before- well, before I found myself in Sickbay. Finding out I'm not going to make it back with the people who are most important to me." She blinked back the tears that had begun to collect on Chakotay's shoulder.

"I don't want to lose you, Kathryn," he said quietly. "I love you. I always have."

"Well, we're a fine pair," she said, smiling briefly at the irony. "I love you too. I don't want to die."

Tom Paris had been finished with his analysis for a matter of minutes, but he waited discreetly on the other side of sickbay to give them a little privacy. He couldn't hear what was being said, but he still had a pretty good idea of what it might be.

Tuvok wasted no time in coming down to sickbay as soon as the Commander hailed him. By the end of the shift, the alarming news of the Captain being beamed to sickbay had spread all over the ship, and not one reassurance of any kind had come with it. Some of the senior staff members began to stop by sickbay, only to be ushered out by the Doctor after giving quick condolences. Only Chakotay and Tuvok were allowed to stay more than a few minutes, and Tom with the Doctor, and they never left her side. Everything seemed to go by so quickly, B'Elanna, Harry, Seven, Neelix, and the other crewmembers close to her were in a state of shock. Before Kathryn lost consciousness, the last thing she was were their faces. Chakotay's hand gripped hers, as her breathing became ragged and unstable, and Tuvok's eyes never left hers. Finally, the Doctor pressed a hypospray to her neck and tapped at the console.

"I am making progress with the DNA sample donations and with the nanoprobes, and I may be able to figure out some kind of cure- but in 36 hours the damage will be to extensive to repair in her neural pathways and brain stem," he paused. "I don't know what arrangements the Captain requested."

"You've got 36 hours to work on it, then," Chakotay ordered, ignoring his last sentence. Tuvok looked at him with one eyebrow raised but said nothing.

"Very well. I can't promise anything at all," he responded earnestly, "But I'm doing everything I can to save her. What we need is a miracle."

Chakotay nodded, thinking to himself that Kathryn had always been the one to pull seeming miracles out of her sleeve and save the ship at the same time- he wanted to talk to her and ask her advice.

"Notify us both of any progress," requested Tuvok. Doctor nodded, and went back to work. Chakotay and Tuvok stood over their friend, each communicating with her in his own way.

"Before the Doctor had to sedate her," began Chakotay carefully, "you called Kathryn by her given name. I had never heard you call anyone by their given name before."

"On Vulcan we use formal titles as signs of respect, even with close friends and colleagues. When one addresses someone outside of their family by their forename, it is a symbol of great friendship." Chakotay nodded in understanding, and Tuvok went of. "If Kathryn Janeway does not survive this disease, I will have lost an irreplaceable friend."

"So will I," Chakotay agreed gravely.

They exited Sickbay together, and Tuvok spoke.

"You told the Doctor that Captain Janeway's wishes were to be kept alive in hopes of finding a cure for thirty six hours while on life support," he stated, not asking what they both knew he was saying.

"I know she doesn't want to live on life support, but I couldn't let her die so easily. Not if we have a chance to save her in the next 36 hours. What would you have done?"

"I respect the Captain's wishes, and I know that she does not want to be kept alive in this manner. However, as long as we have a chance to save her, I cannot help but agree that we should take that chance."

Chakotay smiled at him. "It I didn't know that you don't display emotions, I'd say that you are as worried as I am."

"Vulcans do not worry; we do not dissemble, either. Yet both things I have done for Kathryn Janeway."

Tuvok kept on walking, as if he hadn't said anything profound. Chakotay paused a second, taken aback, then resumed his pace thoughtfully behind him.

_**The End (maybe)**_


End file.
